I’ve always been a Tom. As a young child, I absolutely dreaded the prospect of wearing a dress or skirt. Dresses and skirts were symbols of femininity. It hurts a bit to confess this, but I hated the fact that I was a girl when I was little. I think I had enmity toward my birth mother for leaving me, and that manifested itself in my hatred. Oh, yes! This fact has never come up in my blog because I’ve never felt the need to bring it up, but I might as well tell y’all now. [Tangent] I am adopted. I was born in Jakarta, Indonesia on the island of Java. My birth mother was unwed and probably not much younger than me when I was born. My guess is that she was probably sixteen to nineteen years old. I know nothing of my birth father. For thirteen years, I was bitter and extremely angry because I just couldn’t understand why a mother would leave her child. I had behavioral problems and was often in trouble in school. Don’t worry now, though. I completely understand now and have fully forgiven her because God has blessed me with two wonderful, loving parents. I still wonder about her pretty often…[/Tangent] (In case you didn’t get the computer joke, the brackets and text are supposed to resemble HTML tags.)
Back on topic, I hated things like that as a little kid, and it was probably a good thing that I didn’t get into dance at that age, unlike most dancers. Just think. I could’ve been driven away from dance had one of my parents forced me to take it. There’s no doubt I would’ve thought it was “girly” and hated it. In middle school, puberty happened, crushes happened, and dance happened. So, I began wearing my school uniform’s skirts. I soon discovered that wearing a skirt was just generally easier than wearing pants or shorts. I wasn’t allowed to wear make-up in middle-school, but I let the girls that were allowed to give me a makeover. As much as I hated to admit it, I found it fun. For the obligatory dance classes my eighth grade class had to take every Friday, I wore a dress. Mom even let me wear make-up for those Fridays, so I learned how to put on make-up. Heh, but these things weren’t really about my increasing love of femininity so much as it was my really major crush. Once the dance lessons stopped for freshman and junior year of high school, I stopped wearing dresses, though I still wore skirts. Make-up was almost nonexistent, with the exception of school dances. The fact that my crush broke my heart by asking someone else to homecoming my freshman year definitely hurt my progress when it came to getting in touch with my feminine side. Senior year of high school was when I started to take dance lessons at my current studio, and even then, I wasn’t really inclined to wear dresses, skirts, or dresses. I liked my slick pants, and I thought a dress or skirt would just get in the way.
I’m guessing that I had been dancing for about a year and a half before I told Mom I wanted to get my own personalized make-up set for the practice parties on Thursdays and local competitions that tended to occur every four months. Pretty soon, I got my own set, and I still use it for whatever occasion is appropriate for make-up. I try to wear make-up as often as I can for our Thursday socials, but I often don’t have time. Hmmm, but what about skirts and dresses? Well, the competitions helped with that. My Smooth dress made me feel like a princess, while my Rhythm dress made me feel like a tigress. I’ll admit, looking upon my most recent pictures from Team Match, seeing myself in my Rhythm dress made me go “Hot dang! I didn’t know I could look so sexy!” Eventually, I began wearing some of my casual dresses and skirts to the socials. As things stand today, I wear make-up much more often than I used to. I never plan to wear it every day, but college has plenty of social events and special occasions where I can wear make-up. I don’t wear skirts or dresses at all to school, but I wear them often to dance now because I like the way they flow with my movement. Currently, I plan on asking my Mom to go shopping for some skirts and casual dresses I can dance in. (Yes, you read that right.)
I truly believe ballroom is a blessing because it helped me get in touch with my feminine side. I am proud to be a woman now, quite proud. This is closely connected with dance because it’s the only medium of my life at this point where I’m inclined to wear makeup and a dress or skirt. I have a feeling that more of this will bleed over into the rest of my life, and I’m perfectly fine with it. After all, I can still be a beautiful tigress without being a “girly girl”.