Yes, my friends, I am very much alive. I have no assurances to give you this time concerning consistency. My finals are next week, and I have one more the week after that. Hopefully with Christmas break I’ll be able to write more. This is just a personal update because this blog is not only about my dance progress, but about how it influences my daily existence.
I made a promise to myself that I would help heal my self-broken heart by dancing more, since it gives me such joy. God has blessed with me university opportunities in which I can dance. Yep, its school dances. I never thought I’d dance at those again, with the overabundance of techno and deodorant-deprived teens. Recently, I’ve danced at Homecoming, HSO’s (Hispanic Students Organization) Salsa Night, and last night, Winter Formal. The second one was the best hands down. I may not prefer this kind of dancing to my weekly social at Arthur Murray, but it still works wonders for me. There’s something that’s strangely freeing and borderline euphoric about just letting your body bounce. I don’t have to worry about my posture, connection, resistance, facial expressions, foot placement, etc. Last night was particularly joyous. He wasn’t there, they played Frank Sinatra songs for the first half-hour, and they had chocolate (Yay!). There was a specific moment when I was just flailing around, having fun, and singing along when I suddenly looked at the night sky. I brushed my hand across the sky, and felt like I was painting stars…
…Why are you looking at me like that? Expressions of joy are often abstract. The state of my heart is much better, though it can still be quite painful at times. Okay, I’m going to sound very shallow when I say this, but I have to be frank ab. It’s really helping that I have something pretty to look at while I recover. *winces* Yes, a remedy for a recovering heart is looking at all the handsome men you can spy. I danced a bachata with one such gentlemen last night. Luckily, it wasn’t as awkward as say, the robo-slow-dance, because I’d met him at the HSO Salsa Night. He’s also a fellow Science major. Before you ask, yes, I am attracted to him. It’s only the rebound though, so I’m not taking it too seriously.
Tonight is the second-annual Honors College Party. At these gatherings, we often break out into a spontaneous dance party. Most of us toss dignity aside and dance. Others try to coax their comrades away from the dance, claiming that they’re “saving them from Babylon.” (That’s an actual quote.) Their problem, not mine. I expect more fun and healing though dance. Unfortunately, since he is also in the Honors College, he’ll be present. This may through a wedge in things, but I refuse to let it get me down. I’m resolved to dress my best, and kick some butt!
Please wish me the best for my finals coming up. I’m not too stressed, and I’m currently seeing an anxiety specialist to help me come out of my shell socially. It’s not that I’m shy, but I am very reluctant to initiate social interactions, preferring to add to a conversation or just listen. Believe it or not, it’s very difficult for me to get a word in edge-wise. But, some of this is my fault. I do not live in the dorm. I live at home due to my previously mentioned anxiety. Hence, most of my classmates have already formed familial relationships with their suit-mates. My biggest goal for next year is to move into the dorms, and I’m asking for your best wishes in this aspect as well, especially since I have to get a mandatory meningitis shot. The worst is over, so all that’s left to do is keep going.