Funky Chickens, Rumba Walks, and Country Music


If it wasn’t obvious already, I am absolutely obsessed with dance.  Aside from college, dance is all I do.  In retrospect, it’s slightly sad that the complete extent of my social life is related to dance.

Of course, this blog would be pretty boring if all I said was “Oh my gosh, like, dance is so awesome!”  Rest assured there are plenty of things I don’t like about dance.  So, sit down, light some candles, and get some cheese because it’s time for a good whine.

1) The Two-Step

I live down South.  That said, there are many country-western bars and plenty places to dance the Two-Step.  I really don’t like Two-step.  One, country music annoys me.  Here’s the range of subjects that country covers:

  • I love you so much.  I can imagine marrying you, growing old with you, having your kids, etc. (Read: I don’t mind romantic songs.  On the contrary, I’m a hopeless romantic.  But it seems that every freakin’ song is mushy!)
  • “Man, I miss my woman”, or “Where can I get a woman?”
  • “Let’s party!”

I think this is a pretty good satire on country, and it describes my feelings exactly.  It probably didn’t help that dear, old Dad blasted country music every morning when I came downstairs to go to school.  Moving on, I feel slightly pathetic admitting this: the rhythm of Two-Step throws me off like no other dance, and to top it all off, it’s so simple.  The rhythm goes quick, quick, slow, slow (repeat ad infinitum).  That’s it.  Yet, I’ll mix it up in all sorts of way.  It makes me feel inept.  To me, messing up the basic Two-Step rhythm is like asking how to dial 911.

2) Do the Funky Chicken!

This is dance step.  No, it’s not called the funky chicken.  I’ve heard it called Chicken Walks.  The man pushes and pulls on the ladies arms, and the lady uses the momentum to swivel.  I guess they thought it looked like a walking chicken.  Sure, it cools, but you wanna know what’s going on girl’s mind?

“Aww, man!  He’s leading me into the Chicken Walks (though it’s not like I can do anything about it…).  My lower back is aching, and my abs are burning.  Screw, “cool” I want my back to remain intact!”

It’s just one of those steps that I just don’t understand, and my teachers just love pulling it on me when I dance Salsa.

3) “I can show you the world…”

Dips are absolutely beautiful to watch, not so fun to be a part of.  Mostly because my mischievous DP likes to dip me into almost-back-bend-position, and “forget” about me.  One of the most beautiful dips is called Around-the-World (Reminds me of Aladdin).  The man dips the lady to his left and slowly moves her to his right side where he pulls her back up.  Let me tell you, this dip is agonizingly slow, and my lower back can be a touch sensitive occasionally, so it hurts.  Also, as the woman, it’s my job to support most of my own weight since the guy is doing all the work.  Oh Aladdin, please show me the world–just not upside down and at the speed of molasses!

4) Your Lower Body’s Worst Nightmare

Nick has mainly been working on Smooth with me now that I’m in Bronze II, but he occasionally works Rhythm.  The only thing he will work on is Cuban Motion because it’s crucial for passing the Bronze III test.  I don’t mind, but he recently introduced Rumba walks.  The pain…  It hurts so badly that I can’t even describe it.  Of course, that means I’m doing it correctly, but I’d really love to give me hips a break once in a while.

This just about sums up what my hips were telling me during that lesson: “Really, we help you move those legs so you can dance, and THIS is how you repay us?!”

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